life's little lessons
by MuslimBarbie
Summary: She's quickly learning that Felicity Smoak may be an exception to all of her rules.
1. one

Disclaimer: Note mine, and it never will be.

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**I wish time was still  
We'd stay right here**  
_- _Ellie Goulding

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Oliver once told her that, before the island, she never seemed like much of a fighter. He was right, but not as much as he'd like to think. She may not have always been an international assassin but she always did have a bit of a mouth on her. That sometimes could lead to trouble and she couldn't always count on someone to come and save her. So she learned enough to save herself. At least enough to get away and get help.

It isn't an easy to be a girl in this world. To an extent, Sara always knew that. But she was never fully aware of it until the Queen's Gambit, until Ivo's men found her. Even then she was constantly learning – on the island, with the League, in the Glades – that the world is hard and cruel. It will chew you up and spit you out, destroy any and everything good in you, if you don't know how to protect yourself. Which is why when she walks down the stairs of the foundry and finds Felicity with too much rage and too poor of a form, she doesn't hesitate.

"Spread your feet."

A stronger foundation equals a stronger punch. And if she can help Felicity lay the foundation for her self-defense then maybe there will be one less helpless girl for the world to crush.

**.**

She finds her in the foundry again the following week, standing in the middle of a matt in a bright blue sports bra and a pair of tight sweatpants, watching some video on martial arts for beginners. She stands back for a minute, watching her struggle to keep up with the formal stances on the video. It takes her approximately ten seconds to conclude that the video will do her absolutely no good in a real fight. She shrugs off her jacket and turns off the video.

Felicity jumps, which tells her that she was too busy trying to keep up with the video to notice that she came in. Sara kicks off her boots and steps onto the mat with her. Felicity's eyes widen, takes half a step back, opens her mouth and starts babbling some excuse. Sara ignores her, taking two steps forward to close the space between them, and lifts Felicity's arm up.

"The first rule of self-defense is learning how to block. Knowing how to throw a punch won't do you any good if the other person punches you first," she explains.

Felicity stares at her for a moment, her lips pursing the way they do when she comes across something she doesn't understand and needs to test. Whatever it is, Sara assumes she passes because after a minute or two, Felicity nods.

And she spreads her legs, strengthening her foundation as she lifts her arm up to block the practice punches Sara begins to throw at her.

**.**

They spend an hour there, practicing different ways to block attacks. She's a bit surprised by how quickly they move because Sara knows she's not exactly the best teacher. She's never really had to be before; she was always the one learning. But it turns out that doesn't matter because Felicity is a great student. She doesn't always get it and she isn't always as quick as she should be, but she's focused and determined. Which means, with time, she will be able to stand her own. Not against her or Oliver or Diggle, but at least against any random creeps wandering around at night.

Sara tosses Felicity a bottle of water and plops down on Felicity's chair, which was pushed to the side from when she watched that video. She takes a gulp from her own bottle, but when she puts it down she finds Felicity staring at her, her lips pursed again. It's just when she's about to ask her what's up that Felicity speaks.

"Do me a favor? Don't… don't tell the others."

It should be strange, seeing someone as talkative as Felicity so silent. But Sara gets it, because even though she knows Felicity has her own skills and strengths, it isn't easy feeling like the helpless one in the group of people so physically powerful. It's something Sara has all too much experience with.

So she just smiles and asks what she means. Felicity grins back at her, the big one that shows all of her teeth, before she downs the rest of her water-bottle. She turns towards the showers, and she makes it half way there before Sara calls out to her.

"I'll be here Thursday evening, before my shift at Verdant." Thursday are the days Dig tries to spend with A.J., and the nights Ollie patrols alone. "If you want to, you know, not do anything."

As it turns out, she does.

**.**

It turns into a sort-of ritual they have, to get together and work on Felicity's training. The times aren't as consistent as Sara would like, but it isn't easy finding times when they aren't tracking down some new villain. It's even harder finding times when Oliver and Diggle aren't in the foundry. But they make do.

Even though she starts Felicity with basic defense, Sara tries to balance them out with offensive moves. In an ideal world, all she would need to do was stall long enough for someone to get to her, but that's not the reality of things. It's better to be safe than sorry, especially when it comes to safety. Especially when it comes to Felicity's safety.

Except what starts out as basic training quickly takes a turn for the better. She thinks it's because it's impossible not to have fun with Felicity around. There's something about her that can make just about anyone smile. Felicity isn't an innocent little girl, by any means, but there's a purity to her that Sara hasn't seen in a very long time. She may be aware of the horrors of the world, but they haven't broken her.

She's stronger than people give her credit for, Sara thinks. You have to be in order to know as much as she does and still meet the world with that bright smile every day. It's something Sara doesn't think she's ever seen before, because anyone else would have been corrupted by the darkness around her. But not Felicity. She's better than that.

She's _good_.

**.**

"Do you want a drink?" Sara asks her one evening after their lesson's over. It's one of the rare nights the club isn't open, and an even rarer night when the city is at peace.

Felicity stares at her for a moment, blinks in a confused but cute kind of way, and asks if that's a good idea. Alcohol dehydrates you – shouldn't she be rehydrating right now? Sure, she's seen the others do it all the time, because what's the point in having your lair beneath a club if you aren't going to enjoy a cocktail every now and then, but they're all clearly in better shape than her. Not that she's in bad shape, because she runs. Well, she used to run. It's kind of hard to keep the habit when you're busy trying to save the world and all.

Sara grins, tosses her a water bottle, and tells the other girl to follow her.

**.**

As it turns out, Felicity loves gin. It suits her, Sara thinks as she mixes together another Bramble. Strong and loud, yet somehow a mystery at the same time. You always know what you're in for when you drink gin, but you never know exactly when or how it will hit you. Six years ago, if Felicity had walked into her bar, Sara would have pegged her for a vodka drinker: fun, smooth, and still completely safe. Vodka gives you the taste of danger but exactly in the way you'd expect it to; there's never a surprise. And if Felicity is anything, Sara's starting to realize, it's a surprise.

Felicity grins and immediately snatches the berry out of the glass, smacking it between her lips. Sara laughs, calls her cute, and takes a sip of her own drink. They're each three drinks down and Felicity is a bit more than tipsy, which means her babbles are even more disjointed than usual. Still, Sara makes sure to focus on every word she says. There's something about the girl's voice that draws her in, that makes her feel like she isn't every horrible thing she's ever done. Being near her, hearing her speak, makes Sara feel like there's still hope for her yet, that she isn't the sum of her actions.

There's a light to Felicity, and Sara's drawn to it like a moth to a flame.

.

But that night something changes. Maybe it's the five cocktails, but for the first time since they've met, Sara stops hearing what Felicity says. She stares at the other blonde who she can vaguely tell is going a mile a minute about her knowledge of red wine, but she doesn't care. Instead a smirk tugs at her lips, one so wicked that it stops Felicity mid-ramble.

"Do you wanna try?"

Her eyes widen and she nearly knocks her glass over. Sara catches it while Felicity rambles something about not thinking it would be a very good idea, about how she won't be very good at it, about how she shouldn't do it with so much alcohol in her system – and _hey_, how in the world is Sara still so sober? She must have a superhero tolerance or something. Come to think of it, she's never seen a hero drunk before. Is her tolerance one of the perks of being a superhero or is it a requirement?

Sara's tempted to point out that she isn't a hero, much less a super one, but she's pretty sure Felicity wouldn't hear her, so she lets it slide this one time. Instead she just tells the girl to come to her side of the bar already. Felicity nods and hops off her stool, kicking off her heels as she makes her way around the counter, her previous oppositions abandoned. Sara's more than willing to admit her curiosity outweighed any potential negatives.

Felicity stands in front of her, bouncing on the balls of her feet, and announces that she's ready for her lesson. Sara laughs and hands her an empty cocktail shaker.

**.**

Of course Felicity is a natural at mixing drinks. She doesn't have the style or flair of a bartender, and she definitely still needs guidance, but the raw talent is definitely there. It would only be a bit more visible if she were a bit more sober, Sara thinks as she watches Felicity almost pour bourbon all over her bar counter.

She needs a steadier grip, Sara tells her as she reaches from behind her. Placing her hands over Felicity's, she guides her posture, preventing her from wasting any more liquor. Step-by-step, she leads her through the process of picking up and pouring from each bottle until Felicity has a whiskey sour in her hands. However, the moment she takes a sip, she crinkles her nose, having suddenly remembered that she hates whiskey, and hands the glass back to Sara. Still, she fishes the cherry out of the glass and pops it between her lips.

Sara laughs as she takes a sip, and it suddenly occurs to her that she doesn't remember the last time she laughed so much. It isn't something she's done much of in the past few years, at least not as much as she used to. Then again, she's quickly learning that Felicity Smoak may be an exception to all of her rules.

**.**

She drives her home that night. Felicity isn't exactly sober enough to get herself home safely and who knows what they could come across if they walked. Not that Sara couldn't take care of them, but she'd rather not have to worry about it _and_ the drunk blonde.

Felicity's somewhat sobered up by the time they reach her apartment, but Sara still follows her up to make sure. She leaves her in her bedroom while she gets her a glass of water and a bottle of aspirin for the morning (just in case). Felicity's throwing on a baggy MIT shirt over her spring green underwear when Sara walks back in. She shakes her head and places the glass and the bottle on the nightstand. Felicity thanks her as she crawls back into her bed.

Sara's half way out of the room when she hears her call after her. "We should do this again. Well, maybe not this," she gestures to her water and aspirin bottle, "but this," she gestures between them. "It was fun. I'm glad you're here now, Sara."

A smile tugs at Sara's lips. "Goodnight, Felicity."

**.**

Felicity gets her wish, of course. It becomes a sort of ritual for them to have drinks after their training. She even teaches her how to make a few more drinks, and Sara quickly learns that she was right: Felicity is a natural when she's sober. It only makes sense, Sara thinks, given how calculated she is. She gets the importance of using the rights amount of each ingredient. But she's also Felicity, so she knows the benefits of going off book a little bit. Those are the two skills she thinks a bartender needs the most. Felicity even concocts her own lychee flavored gin drink after a couple of tries.

Of course not all of their sessions can be at night and as much as they enjoy the drinks, they know better than to have drinks at six-thirty in the morning. Still, Felicity wouldn't be Felicity unless she came up with a solution, so it doesn't take them long to follow their morning sessions with breakfast. With coffee, lots of coffee. Still, the sentiment stays the same: spending more time together after their private time together has ended.

There aren't a lot of people she lets get close to her, but before she realizes it, Felicity has found a way through the barriers she spent so many years building up.

**.**

She used to be better at this, Sara admits once over coffee.

At what? Felicity asks.

At being a friend.

She can't actually remember the last time she made a friend. She had Nyssa when she was with the League, but somehow that was always different. Even when they were together, they were distanced. It isn't safe to become too attached to one person when the possibility of them dying is all too real. Even on the island, she never let herself get too attached to Slade or Ollie, because, after Shado, she realized that death was all too real of a possibility.

She knows that now shouldn't be any different. Because there are still threats and dangers, and the chances of her not making it home one night are still all too real. Granted, the chances are significantly higher than when she was making a living as an international assassin, but there's still the possibility that something may go wrong one night, that one bullet might be too quick. That doesn't mean Sara will ever regret what she does, because she won't. She can't sit by and watch the world burn down like that. But it comes with a cost. And that cost is meaningful relationships. Friendships. Any sort of connection with another person.

Felicity takes her hand. Sara's head snaps up and their eyes meet. "It isn't hard. I'll teach you, if you want."

She knows this is a bad idea. There's a reason she stopped making friends, and she knows she should keep it that way. But sitting there, her eyes locked on Felicity's, she can't stop herself. So a smile tugs at the edges of her lips and she nods.

She'd like that.

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**Note:** I'm looking at this being about three parts, all around this length. This started out as an experiment to see if I could do Sara's voice and then kinda just exploded into this guy.


	2. two

Disclaimer: Not mine, and it never will be.

Note: Assume there's more time between chapters than there probably is.

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**It's always have and never hold  
You've begun to feel like home**

– The Fray

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"Lesson one," Felicity tells her as her car pulls up in front of the mall, "Shopping. Girlfriends shop together – and for something that isn't related to beating up random bad guys!"

Sara wants to protest, but she can't. It's been forever since she actually went shopping for the sake of shopping. She used to love it. But there weren't exactly an array of stores on the freighter or Lian Yu, and she was too careful about keeping her face hidden when she first joined the League. When she came back to Starling, she snagged a couple of Laurel's old clothes for her Verdant shifts, but mostly recycled the same few jeans and shirts. And really she's fine with that. There's not much else she needs. But then again, she supposes shopping with her friend isn't really about what she _needs_.

So when Felicity immediately drags her into Sephora and holds a bottle of hot pink nail polish against her nails, insisting that she can kick ass and have fabulous nails at the same time, Sara only puts up a little bit of a fight. Felicity wins, of course. And between the two of them, they walk out with five bottles of nail polish, an eyeshadow pallet, a tube of mascara, and more lipstick than Sara can even count.

Felicity also insists on dragging her into Victoria Secret because former assassin or not, every girl deserves a few pieces of slightly overpriced lingerie – one that isn't a sport's bra! And Sara even agrees to try on the cute little lavender bra Felicity finds for her, but only if Felicity agrees to a black lacy piece Sara finds. Felicity's reaction is as adorable as ever – her cheeks only redden a little and she nods, accepting Sara's challenge. And even though refuses to let her see how it looks, Sara catches a glimpse of it when Felicity checks out. She babbles something about needing a new black bra anyway since her last one wore out – not that she's doing anything worth wearing it out!

After several more hours of combing in and out of every store that catches their eye, they leave the mall with three bags of makeup, two of lingerie, five dresses, four pairs of shoes, seven skirts, a bottle of perfume, and two strawberry-banana smoothies. And only then does Felicity calls the day a success. And when her cheeks hurt from smiling so much, Sara realizes she agrees.

**.**

The day Oliver decides to keep his distance from her because he's sure Slade is going to use her to hurt him, Felicity shows up at the Foundry with a takeout bag from Big Belly Burgers and tells Sara that she's spending the night at her apartment. She has a bottle of Caymus Cabernet that she's been dying to open _and_ all of the Harry Potter movies on DVD.

Sara shakes her head, thanks her, but tells her that she doesn't need her pity. She'll be fine.

"Uh, yeah, _you_ will be, but what about me? I don't know if you heard, but there's a psycho killer on the loose and as great as those self-defense lessons have been, I don't think they're gonna do me much good if Slade shows up," she explains. "I need a bodyguard. And, little tip, friends don't let friends stay alone when there's a chance a psycho killer might make a late-night visit."

She stares at her for a moment before a small smile tugs at her lips. She nods, grabs her jacket, and follows her up the stairs.

**.**

As it turns out, Felicity was not only serious about owning all of the Harry Potter movies but also on her plans to make Sara watch all of them. She also insists that they watch them in her bedroom, because that's where she keeps her better television because it's not like many people come over to watch movies in her living room.

Not that she has people come over to her bedroom to watch movies often either. Not that she has people come over to her bedroom for either reasons! Not that that's a bad thing, it's just who has time to meet people for that when you're saving the world? Felicity shakes her head and stops her babble by finishing her glass of wine. She refills her glass, and turns to her dresser and digs out a pair of pajamas and tosses them at her.

Pajamas are an important part of having a girls' night, Felicity tells her.

Sara raises a brow. A girls' night? She thought she was here to keep her protected in case Slade showed up?

Felicity shrugs. Who says they can't do both?

She doesn't wait for Sara's answer and instead turns around and tells Sara to unzip her dress. When she does, Felicity slips it off and unveils a familiar looking lacy black bra and a matching pair of underwear Sara doesn't remember her buying when they went shopping. Of course, she only sees the back of Felicity so she doesn't quite see how the lingerie looks on her, but it's more than she saw before. And when Felicity finally turns around, after she's thrown on a pair of pajamas pants with lipstick tubes on it, Sara smirks and comments on how nice her underwear is.

Which, oddly enough, reminds her: the last time she was here was the night she brought Felicity home after they had drinks for the first time.

Much to Sara's surprise, Felicity smirks. "Well," she says in a way that almost sounds coquettish, "Hopefully I won't be the only one drunk this time."

And, slightly against her better judgment, Sara responds by downing her glass of wine.

**.**

Sara doesn't actually get drunk. It isn't that she doesn't want to; just that she knows she shouldn't. Even though Felicity clearly used it as an excuse, Slade is still out there somewhere and who knows when he'll attack. Or who he'll attack. So as much as she would love to drown her frustrations in one of Felicity's endless bottles of wine, she makes sure the stay sober enough to protect her friend if she needs it.

Felicity, however, doesn't have that worry. She certainly slows down once she realizes Sara actually has no intention of getting drunk with her, but not before she drinks enough to make herself sleepy. And by the time Harry's started his fourth year, she's curled up on the bed with her head on Sara's lap, her fingers tracing the designs on Sara's pajama bottoms. Felicity's hair's in a loose French braid that's already half way undone and her bra strap is half way down her arm, but she doesn't seem to care enough to fix either.

He's an idiot, Felicity says. Oliver, she means. She hasn't known him as long as Sara, but the past year or so is enough experience for her to know that. Hell, the first time she met him was enough experience for her to know that. He doesn't know a good thing when it's right there in front of him. At least not at first. But he usually gets there in the end. So he'll come to his senses soon enough, she tells her. He'll come back to her. He may be an idiot, but even he's not stupid enough to let her go. He loves her.

"Of course he does. It's impossible not to. You're impossibly lovable," Felicity mumbles as she begins to drift to sleep. "Lovable Sara."

Sara opens her mouth to protest – to remind Felicity that she isn't the girl she thinks she is. She's not good like her. That she's not sure there's enough good left in her to be lovable – but she stops at the last second because Felicity's fallen asleep and there's no point in waking her. So instead she sighs in defeat and lets her win this round. She brushes a loose piece of Felicity's braid back, and pulls the blanket over her.

In the background, Hermione dances with some random wizard whose name Sara never actually caught as Ron sits in the sidelines and watches.

**.**

The funny thing is that it doesn't hit her all at once. There's no defining moment when they're sitting down over breakfast or drinks where she tilts her head in that adorable way that makes her heart suddenly skip a beat in a way that just tells her. Because life doesn't actually work like that, at least not if you're Sara.

Instead she feels it happening slowly, dangerously. It creeps in slowly like a gentle poison, the kind the League uses when it wants to torture its target. The kind you can't stop because you think it can't be that bad, the kind you're sure you have under control until suddenly you realize you don't and you probably never did.

And she thinks it should surprise her because it's Felicity, but that's precisely the reason she isn't surprised – because it's _Felicity_. She's long since learnt that Felicity will always surprise her. There's something about her that's always drawn her in, from the moment she awkwardly babbled her "I'm glad you're not dead" speech the first time they met, long before she ever thought coming home was even possible. She thinks, to an extent, that she always knew this would happen. That she always _wanted_ this to happen.

Except she knows that this shouldn't happen – that this _can't_ happen – because she's Sara and she's Felicity, and this isn't right. She isn't right for her, good for her. Felicity deserves someone better than her, someone who isn't too far gone for her light. And Sara is. So she runs. She runs into her budding relationship with Oliver. She runs into her battles with Slade, into killing Roy. She runs back to Nyssa and the League because that's what she does – she _runs_.

Sara runs as fast and as far as she can away from Felicity and her light so that her darkness won't touch her.

**.**

After she breaks up with Oliver and runs straight out of Starling, Felicity calls her because _of course_ she does. She wouldn't be Felicity if she didn't try to keep everyone together, in one happy, hopeful union. But Sara never answers because she wouldn't be her she didn't stick to her guns. And she knows that the moment she hears Felicity's voice, the moment she hears her tell her to please _come home_ because _they need her_, she will give in and go back. And she can't do that yet.

So she lets the voicemails pile up without ever listening to them. And they keep piling and piling until she's sure that there can't possibly be room for any more. But that doesn't stop Felicity from calling. She never gives in. She never gives up.

Yet the first time she sees Sara back in Starling, Felicity pretends to act like nothing happened between them. She rushes to Sara's side, but she doesn't touch her, doesn't welcome her back, doesn't tell her she missed her. Instead reprimands her, in her own quirky way, for not giving them some sort of warning before she brought an army of assassins into their lair. But Sara doesn't miss her real message.

_You could have called_.

And Sara knows this is the part where she's supposed to apologize, supposed to tell Felicity that it wasn't safe to contact her. Slade has eyes and ears everywhere, and she wasn't willing to risk the element of surprise she would have by returningwith Nyssa. This is the part where she's supposed to give Felicity some sort of sign that she's sorry she didn't call, that she left her without a single word, that she hurt her. Tell her that was the last thing she wanted to do, but that this was something that she had to do to protect her family, her friends, her city. To protect Felicity.

She knows that's all Felicity wants. It doesn't have to be an apology. She doesn't expect that from her, because she knows Sara better than that. She accepts Sara as she is, because that's who Felicity is – she takes the bad with the good without batting an eye. She just wants a sign that Sara cares, some sort of proof that she can cling to so Felicity can convince herself that Sara's better than she really is.

Which is exactly why she can't give it to her. Because people like her shouldn't be trusted because, no matter how much Felicity wants to think otherwise, she isn't good. Because the world will do everything it can to crush you and you have to be willing to protect yourself. And it's a lesson Sara needs to Felicity to learn.

No matter how much it kills her.

**.**

After the battle, Oliver doesn't come to say goodbye and Sara doesn't seek him out for one. It's funny how he spent so many months chasing her, dragging her home, but now lets her slip away without a second glance. Part of her wants to be mad, but she can't find it in her. Which is even funnier, because she spent years loving him, wanting him to love her back. But now that all seems like a distant dream – a memory almost as distant as her time on Lian Yu.

She thinks he feels guilty for Slade's choice. For loving Laurel more than her. And yeah, it hurts and it hurts a lot, knowing that even when he was with her, it was Laurel. But, deep down, she always knew that was going to happen. It was always going to be Laurel – it has always been Laurel. There will never be anyone else. And she doesn't resent him for it, especially now when she realizes that he will never be that person for her. Not anymore, at least. She knows that she should tell him that – Ollie has enough guilt to last a dozen lifetimes, especially when it comes to her – but she doesn't. They've never been the type to talk about their feelings and that hasn't changed. She knows he'll figure it out on his own soon enough.

But Felicity isn't Oliver, and she finds her at the docks before her dad and Laurel arrive to see her off. And even though she knows better, Sara can't help herself; she smiles and asks Felicity if this is the part where she comes to tell her that she will miss her and to make sure she keeps in contact.

She grins and shakes her head, swaying her ponytail behind her. Nope, Felicity tells her, because she already knows Sara will do that. Just like she knows she'll come back home when she's ready.

Felicity doesn't give Sara a chance to reply. Instead she closes the space between them, hugging her close. Sara's arms instinctively wrap around before she can even consider the possibility of not hugging her back.

"There's still a light inside of you, Sara," Felicity tells her. "You deserve to be happy. You'll come home when you learn that." Her lips brush against Sara's cheek so softly that she almost misses it. She pulls back, the same grin still there, and squeezes her hands one last time before she turns and leaves.

It isn't until much later that Sara realizes Felicity never actually says goodbye.

* * *

**Note**: Sorry for the delay, but this chapter was surprisingly hard to write.


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